Welcome to the knuckledraggin' hour bitches
Seriously, what's with the dumb act? It's like, "Man, I don't know about that shit, dawg!" And I'm supposed to go "Wow, how cool you must be!"
Look. We know.
We know that you geek out to shit, dudes (and dudettes, too). You can sit back there and be all like, "Well, gee, Mr. Crab, I certainly wouldn't know anything about videogames or whatever--I'm an adult now."
Gimme a fuckin' break. There's SOMETHING your ass will hear and you'll be all like "OMG really?--they remade that into a new movie?? Holy shit I'm a go see that right nawwwwww" (runs home and stares at "old school" toys).
Dude, but you're all like, "Hey, wait--it's 'cool' now to be like a totally bland, uneducated philistine these days!" Seriously, when I say something about some other language I speak, how come everyone's all "well, la-dee-dah, look at me!--I'm the Greatest Crab and I'm a fucking jackass traitor who hates this country because I flaunt my intelligence!" Dude, I don't flaunt anything, but the fact that you're all defensive and venemous about it really makes me think you've got some deep-seated mental problems, that's all.
Women, you guys totally are the culprit here. I remember my whole life I would start to notice one of you and think "Wow, a girl who has a lot of interests and is well-read and with whom I can have a pretty cool conversation...huh, that's pretty neat."
Then you'd get around some guy you like.
Oh well, instant let-down. It's like, "Ah, I've been disappointed again--what a shocker." Suddenly, there's like zero IQ in the entire room. Just like "I dunno; I never read anything!! I'm so stupid, ha ha haaaah!"
Well, tho', I guess there's always the other side.
Hey, look...I'm not gonna pretend like I don't go and get all kinds of pretention on. I'll turn on the big word thesaurus and rock you like a friggin nerdicane, but I also gotta admit that there's some fucking annoying dumbasses out there who feel like they gotta be the smartest in the room or like everyone will start laughing at them.
Like, whenever I talk about something and start ranting and a-raving, some of you knuckleheads are always like, "Well, let me just point out that you mentioned a chicken-eating spider earlier, and I'd just like to point out that it's technically a pamphobeteus, and you simply referred to it as a spider. I mean, I guess you could do that and all, but it's just not proper and you should really watch that as you can create a lot of confusion." or "Well, you Romanized the Japanese word 'karaage' with an 'r.' I would have used a 'd' because it's a flap technically and I wouldn't want to confuse anyone."
It's like, "oh damn, he showed ME up!! Damn, I bet people are laughing at me like crazy at that message board. Oh wait...wait...awww, I guess nobody cared, AWWWW." Mr. Smarmy Comment. That guy's always standing around when you're just goofing off and joking around with someone, waiting to "tsk" and roll his eyes.
Look, bitch, I've probably read like 3 times as much as you have. Sure, you're an English major, but you only read the shit they assign to you in your class. Then, the rest of your time, you just hang around and "tsk" your ass so much everyone just assumes you're a homosexual--whether you are or not!! (Just like in the Seinfeld episode: "Not that there's anything wrong with that.")
So, here I am, joining the fray, generating my own pretentious nonsense with this stupid blog. I'm a self-righteous little blogster, as much as I never intended to join your ranks, getting up on your rooftops and crowing at the sun for nobody to hear but your own dumb ears. But, what kind of person doesn't find their own convictions, or things to believe in, and decide to go and spout them out at the world? Thes brains we have rage forward on their neverending quests to drive us crazy and make us all argue and have our values and ideas just clunk against each other clumsily.
And I've seen myself at both moments, the too-humble, self-deprecating, annoying let-down to those who believed in him or wanted to see great things happen with his brilliant mind, and the self-important, overconfident windbag, perched annoyingly at the edges to snatch up the fallen and use them for personal gain. I want to go back to those moments and crush those smug, chuckling, sneering faces I wore.
Stop yer knuckledraggin', you young'uns. Knowledge is important. It really is our way to gain power over this world...just these insane brains trying so hard to comprehend, name, and categorize everything--even if it can't be known or understood on any level. But they do that because it's what makes us able to survive when others fail. It's a very valuable thing--the most valuable thing we take for ourselves, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with anyone seeing that brilliant side of you.
Well, unless you're Columbo, and you're luring the murderer into a false sense of security (Columbo Pro Tip: Look for the famous guest star--that's the murderer).
As for the sneering, snorting, eye-rolling, foppish, pretentious maccheroni, you guys who think you're "all that" because some professor was impressed with one of your essays where you just spouted back his boring interpretations? Nobody is impressed by your ass. When you go home and look yourself in the mirror and it's all quiet and there's no-one around and that little voice says that you're lonely and nobody really cares, nobody really cares. And it's not that it's lonely at the top, homeslice, it's that you didn't learn what you needed to learn in school. It's not about impressing people with your pathetic grasp of some vague theories floating around (that aren't even yours to begin with), it's about finding your own message to spout out, whether it was in blogs, in comic books, in song--even just in leadership of those beneath you in a company, or whatever.
Genius isn't in knowing about geniuses; it's in finding something to say and saying it.
2007年8月15日水曜日
2007年8月4日土曜日
"Hi. I'm the Sumo Association. I'm a Fucking Idiot."
Sports are fucking ridiculous.
Why isn't it just "this team beat that team" or "this guy did some great thing against this other guy?" Instead, it's like "OMG! That guy's using steroids and that guy's getting fined for talking about officials!!"
Stupid fucking celebrity gossip bullshit permeates just everything in these "World's Marketplace" countries. Everything's a marketing gimmick--fucking sensationalised nonsense about people we don't know, and, like Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan, haven't even done anything worth wasting 20 seconds of your life one. But, we're supposed to be just frothing at the mouth in personal agony over these ridiculously minor people's pathetic scandals, because marketing moguls have to practice spinning everything around to get our fucking attention all the damned tim. That's what it's like in the U.S., anyway.
Or Japan. Japan's absurdly obsessed with buying stuff, too--and that means that they're also obsessed with other bandwagons such as stupid phrases uttered by some minor celeb, or which insanely stupid, young floozy is the idol-of-the-minute.
Their sports are the same way, too.
Well, kinda. For those who don't know, I'm a sumo fan. It's not just an interesting sport (although inherently flawed because all the action happens in a split second and is just a "win-lose" system), but it's also basically a celebration of shugendou-based religious, cultural ceremony.
Unfortunately, that also means it's something essential to the "Japanese spirit" or whatever, and, even more unfortunate than that, it seems like the only way for the Sumo Association to drum up interest in its sport is to pull at those heartstrings.
There's a special rank in this sport called yokozuna, which literally means 'wearing the rope.' In Shinto rites, ornamented, ceremonial ropes are used as boundaries and sacrelatizing agents. Thus, to one of the highest-ranked sumo wrestlers, called oozeki, this ornament was given so that they might take parts in sacred rites such as shrine blessings.
It's really interesting stuff (to me, at least), and I could just talk about it for hours and hours, but the point is that recently there have been a bunch of foreigners attaining this special honor, and that's made John Q. Public--um, Yousuke Q. Public?--kinda unhappy.
Recently, one of these guys, a Mongolian whose ring name is Asashouryuu, has stepped on the tiger's tail, attracting the Sumo Association's ire and virulent hatred. Of course, that's because their attendance has been disappointing them for years and years now, and they need to shamelessly flail around like spoiled babes to get the public's attention.
What did he do this time, the villain? He was hurt (you do get hurt in sports, you know), and use that as an excuse to sit out some of the official, public practices and exhibitions and what-nots. Meanwhile, whist recuperating in his homeland, he made a public appearance to support some school over there, frolicking with said schoolchildren.
Wow! What an asshole, right?? (or, just, like a normal celbrity, who makes his money from appearances??)
So, the Sumo Association decided that he was malingering, basically, and gives him a drastic salary cut. They also force him to sit out the rest of the years' tournaments. Oh, did I forget to mention that he wins almost ever tournament these days?
All this, while their beautiful, beloved "Great Japanese Hope," Takanohana, sat out for 2 years' worth of tournaments without one bad word from these jerks. I guess it's OK if you're a whiny, wishy-washy star the people are supposed to love. If you're supposed to be the villain? Forget it.
You know what I'd do if I was Asashouryuu? I'd be their villain, all right. I'd come back, trained twice as hard, and I wouldn't just beat their gallery of Japanese losers, I'd beat them. I'd go into training sessions and break their friggin' arms and fling them around like trash, hoping to twist their ankles and blow their damned knees right out. Fuck 'em. I'd brutalise that business.
It's not like they don't already fear him, nor are they seemingly unable to even pose a threat to him. Fuck them. I hope their stupid attendance plummets and they have to stop sensationalising this thing which isn't just supposed to be a sport or art form, but supposed to be profound and religious and natural.
Why isn't it just "this team beat that team" or "this guy did some great thing against this other guy?" Instead, it's like "OMG! That guy's using steroids and that guy's getting fined for talking about officials!!"
Stupid fucking celebrity gossip bullshit permeates just everything in these "World's Marketplace" countries. Everything's a marketing gimmick--fucking sensationalised nonsense about people we don't know, and, like Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan, haven't even done anything worth wasting 20 seconds of your life one. But, we're supposed to be just frothing at the mouth in personal agony over these ridiculously minor people's pathetic scandals, because marketing moguls have to practice spinning everything around to get our fucking attention all the damned tim. That's what it's like in the U.S., anyway.
Or Japan. Japan's absurdly obsessed with buying stuff, too--and that means that they're also obsessed with other bandwagons such as stupid phrases uttered by some minor celeb, or which insanely stupid, young floozy is the idol-of-the-minute.
Their sports are the same way, too.
Well, kinda. For those who don't know, I'm a sumo fan. It's not just an interesting sport (although inherently flawed because all the action happens in a split second and is just a "win-lose" system), but it's also basically a celebration of shugendou-based religious, cultural ceremony.
Unfortunately, that also means it's something essential to the "Japanese spirit" or whatever, and, even more unfortunate than that, it seems like the only way for the Sumo Association to drum up interest in its sport is to pull at those heartstrings.
There's a special rank in this sport called yokozuna, which literally means 'wearing the rope.' In Shinto rites, ornamented, ceremonial ropes are used as boundaries and sacrelatizing agents. Thus, to one of the highest-ranked sumo wrestlers, called oozeki, this ornament was given so that they might take parts in sacred rites such as shrine blessings.
It's really interesting stuff (to me, at least), and I could just talk about it for hours and hours, but the point is that recently there have been a bunch of foreigners attaining this special honor, and that's made John Q. Public--um, Yousuke Q. Public?--kinda unhappy.
Recently, one of these guys, a Mongolian whose ring name is Asashouryuu, has stepped on the tiger's tail, attracting the Sumo Association's ire and virulent hatred. Of course, that's because their attendance has been disappointing them for years and years now, and they need to shamelessly flail around like spoiled babes to get the public's attention.
What did he do this time, the villain? He was hurt (you do get hurt in sports, you know), and use that as an excuse to sit out some of the official, public practices and exhibitions and what-nots. Meanwhile, whist recuperating in his homeland, he made a public appearance to support some school over there, frolicking with said schoolchildren.
Wow! What an asshole, right?? (or, just, like a normal celbrity, who makes his money from appearances??)
So, the Sumo Association decided that he was malingering, basically, and gives him a drastic salary cut. They also force him to sit out the rest of the years' tournaments. Oh, did I forget to mention that he wins almost ever tournament these days?
All this, while their beautiful, beloved "Great Japanese Hope," Takanohana, sat out for 2 years' worth of tournaments without one bad word from these jerks. I guess it's OK if you're a whiny, wishy-washy star the people are supposed to love. If you're supposed to be the villain? Forget it.
You know what I'd do if I was Asashouryuu? I'd be their villain, all right. I'd come back, trained twice as hard, and I wouldn't just beat their gallery of Japanese losers, I'd beat them. I'd go into training sessions and break their friggin' arms and fling them around like trash, hoping to twist their ankles and blow their damned knees right out. Fuck 'em. I'd brutalise that business.
It's not like they don't already fear him, nor are they seemingly unable to even pose a threat to him. Fuck them. I hope their stupid attendance plummets and they have to stop sensationalising this thing which isn't just supposed to be a sport or art form, but supposed to be profound and religious and natural.
2007年8月2日木曜日
Tumbling Hunks of Metal Does Not A Great Movie Make
"Oh, my God--it was the best movie!! You have to see it!!"
Now, I've heard this many a time in my life. Usually, it's just from those poor few folks who, tho' nice they may be, have apparently no interests, so they aren't really exposed to too much and fly off the handle at the first glimmer of something interesting. These rants can be dismissed right off, and just nodded at while smiling like you're just some marketing stooge at a trade show or the modern teacher, who is forced to treat every opinion as "interesting" regardless of its merit.
No; this is one of those times when evryone across the board is blathering at me about the idol-of-the-month. Everyone told me this would be the best thing ever, save one friend out here, who just gave a half-hearted "it was good."
While it sounds like that's a good sign...it ain't necessarily so, bitches.
Let me just go ahead and ruin all of my internet "street cred":
Transformers sucks.
Yes, I'm referring to this current movie. I'm also referring to the old movie, and the show, and even the toys--tho' I did own them when I was just a wee little lad and becoming the greatest crab ever was just a sparkle in my fuckin retarded little kid eye.
Anyway, yes. That movie sucked. At first, they were all like running around, a buncha different groups of guys, going "what the fuck is up?" That was cool--cut-off little army squad and hackers and all sorts of cool shit sitting around, all using their ridiculous technobabble jargon like "set up a kill box!" and "we'll use fuckin' plasma 100 66 ballistic rounds," or whatever.
That was fine.
Then, suddenly, we return to that boring Dawson's Creek reject crew and down comes Optimus Prime. It was like: here's a normal movie--BAM! Jazz is breakdancing, robots are hiding from Ma and Pa Kettle, urinating dogs.... And it didn't help that, all the while, the lamest dialogue on earth about things with embarrassingly-bad names keeps assaulting my poor ears.
You know what else? The action sucked, too.
I can hear you all hissing now, with your flame-writing fingers all poised and ready to strike. The truth is, the action in this movie was as lame and boring as the action in Batman Begins.
There we go--flame away!
Here's a tip to the Hollywood machine: your action SUCKS. Getting in really close with a camera and making stuff fly around while there are sound effects of supposed action offscreen is not a good fight scene. It's like the directers and writers all get confused whenever it comes to the fight choreography. It's like they suddenly say, "yeah, OK, so...like, Megatron's all, 'let's go, Prime!' and he's all, 'yeah,' and then...I dunno, something happens, and then, like, Megatron's all, like, 'I won!'"
Then, people suddenly realise that fight choreography actually is hard. You want to see for yourself? Watch 武館 (Mou Kun / Martial Club), which you've probably never heard of, by Lau Ga Leung's crew for Shaw Brothers in the early 80s. That film rocks my socks. It may just look like anyone could do that at the greatest of ease and just start punching at each other and going, "huh, I guess this is Kung Fu!" But, it's not. That choreography is pretty intense and filmed very well--unlike Transformers's fights, which mainly just involved junk flying around and flipping from far away in the background into the foreground over and over.
"But it was so cool! Stuff...turned into...stuff!"
Fuck that. Hey, watch this!--I can turn my desk into a footrest! Look at this! I'm transforming some of the ketchup that dripped off my burger into a dipping sauce for my fries! Fucking, wow! I'm gonna go turn my floor into a bed and my jacket into a pillow.
Now, I've heard this many a time in my life. Usually, it's just from those poor few folks who, tho' nice they may be, have apparently no interests, so they aren't really exposed to too much and fly off the handle at the first glimmer of something interesting. These rants can be dismissed right off, and just nodded at while smiling like you're just some marketing stooge at a trade show or the modern teacher, who is forced to treat every opinion as "interesting" regardless of its merit.
No; this is one of those times when evryone across the board is blathering at me about the idol-of-the-month. Everyone told me this would be the best thing ever, save one friend out here, who just gave a half-hearted "it was good."
While it sounds like that's a good sign...it ain't necessarily so, bitches.
Let me just go ahead and ruin all of my internet "street cred":
Transformers sucks.
Yes, I'm referring to this current movie. I'm also referring to the old movie, and the show, and even the toys--tho' I did own them when I was just a wee little lad and becoming the greatest crab ever was just a sparkle in my fuckin retarded little kid eye.
Anyway, yes. That movie sucked. At first, they were all like running around, a buncha different groups of guys, going "what the fuck is up?" That was cool--cut-off little army squad and hackers and all sorts of cool shit sitting around, all using their ridiculous technobabble jargon like "set up a kill box!" and "we'll use fuckin' plasma 100 66 ballistic rounds," or whatever.
That was fine.
Then, suddenly, we return to that boring Dawson's Creek reject crew and down comes Optimus Prime. It was like: here's a normal movie--BAM! Jazz is breakdancing, robots are hiding from Ma and Pa Kettle, urinating dogs.... And it didn't help that, all the while, the lamest dialogue on earth about things with embarrassingly-bad names keeps assaulting my poor ears.
You know what else? The action sucked, too.
I can hear you all hissing now, with your flame-writing fingers all poised and ready to strike. The truth is, the action in this movie was as lame and boring as the action in Batman Begins.
There we go--flame away!
Here's a tip to the Hollywood machine: your action SUCKS. Getting in really close with a camera and making stuff fly around while there are sound effects of supposed action offscreen is not a good fight scene. It's like the directers and writers all get confused whenever it comes to the fight choreography. It's like they suddenly say, "yeah, OK, so...like, Megatron's all, 'let's go, Prime!' and he's all, 'yeah,' and then...I dunno, something happens, and then, like, Megatron's all, like, 'I won!'"
Then, people suddenly realise that fight choreography actually is hard. You want to see for yourself? Watch 武館 (Mou Kun / Martial Club), which you've probably never heard of, by Lau Ga Leung's crew for Shaw Brothers in the early 80s. That film rocks my socks. It may just look like anyone could do that at the greatest of ease and just start punching at each other and going, "huh, I guess this is Kung Fu!" But, it's not. That choreography is pretty intense and filmed very well--unlike Transformers's fights, which mainly just involved junk flying around and flipping from far away in the background into the foreground over and over.
"But it was so cool! Stuff...turned into...stuff!"
Fuck that. Hey, watch this!--I can turn my desk into a footrest! Look at this! I'm transforming some of the ketchup that dripped off my burger into a dipping sauce for my fries! Fucking, wow! I'm gonna go turn my floor into a bed and my jacket into a pillow.
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